Unfortunately I’m not talking about REAL time travel, but a website I came across that features classic arcade games. The address is http://amog.com/tech/gaming/oldschool-videogames/ but don’t go to it unless you’re ready to kill some time. There are 95 games listed, and all the ones I clicked had playable versions on the internet. It’s hard to believe how cheesy some (most) of these games are now, but in 1982 I couldn’t hand over my allowance fast enough to the nearest arcade.

This morning my youngest daughter (3) woke me up when she climbed in bed with me. My wife was already in the bathroom going through her morning ritual. She, the 3 year old, asked for something to which I replied no. Not surprisingly she wasn’t too happy with that answer. Without missing a beat she said “Go back to sleep daddy” with the implied “once you’re asleep I’m going to do it anyway”.

Wow. I thought it would be a few more years before she and her big sister would use and abuse me but I guess I was wrong.

What follows is my personal narrative about recently getting laid off. I found humor in the day and hope you do also.

November 11th started like any normal day, my wife and I worked to get the kids out the door to kindergarten and daycare followed by getting myself ready for work. Upon arrival at the office, I walked into the building with one of my co-workers discussing the All Hands meeting that was abruptly sent out by our VP the day before. I speculated that it was just an effort to communicate about the recently announced Voluntary Separation and Voluntary Time Off programs.

As I was going through my schedule for the day, I checked the All Hands appt in Outlook to verify the location (I hate being late). I noticed that there wasn’t a dial in number for the All Hands, I thought it a little unusual for a global organization but didn’t pay any attention to it.

Just before the scheduled start, another co-worker came by asking if I was ready to head upstairs.
“Upstairs?” I replied, “My invite says the meeting is in a first floor conference room.”
“Odd” was his response.

Thinking nothing of it, I tagged along to the meeting with a few other friends who’s invites had the same room listed. When we got to the room it was full of 30-40 people I recognized, the usual mix of managers and individual contributors. Having a penchant for sticking my foot in my mouth I decided to break the tension in the room by cracking jokes. Since everyone had had layoffs on their minds for the last week, you can guess what direction my attempts at levity took.

“If gas starts coming out of the vents, ya’ll better get out of my way cause I’m making a break for it”
That got a few laughs, time for round two.

“It’s going to be like an old James Bond movie, our VP is going to come on the screen, push a few buttons, and a couple chairs are going to disappear with their occupants”
A few more laughs around the room.

A few minutes later, the VP stood up and began her presentation. She was covering the various cost reduction measures that the company was taking, which I thought validated my earlier speculation on the subject of the meeting. My attention lapsed and I began looking around the room. I didn’t notice anything unusual in the faces of my peers, but I did see someone I didn’t recognize in the corner. For some reason, possibly because of her dress or her manner, I pegged her as an HR rep. “Uh-oh, this isn’t going to be good” I thought. In my mind it was at this point that our VP dropped the hammer and made it clear that we were going to be laid off at the end of January, but I’m sure it was just that I started paying attention again at this point.

The implications left me numb for a few minutes as I processed it. She just laid off 30 people at once. She just laid me off. Holy shit.

The VP continued her presentation, giving us a high level overview of the separation package that we were being offered. She ended the meeting with “Please wait for your individual managers to sit down with you this morning to cover the details of the separation, then take the rest of the day off to digest this.”

Afterward, we found out that the people in the OTHER conference room were given a similar presentation but without the blunt force trauma to their personal economics. While we were waiting to meet with our managers you could tell who was previously in which conference room just by the look on their face. I think most of us were surprised and in shock. A few were visibly upset. Personally I fell into the surprised category.

A few days removed, things are definitely brighter. Honestly, the package is pretty nice although not as good as actually having a job that was going to last beyond the next two and a half months; but if you’re going to get laid off it’s not a bad way to go. That being said, I’m already looking for the next position and am excited about the opportunities ahead.

Have you experienced a lay off before? Would love to hear your stories from either side of the table in the comments section.

I was nearly speechless last night, which is something of a rarity for me.

I took my two daughters out to dinner while my wife was at her monthly book club meeting. While we were waiting on our food to arrive, the oldest said she had something to tell me. The subsequent exchange went something like this…

“Ok, what is it sweetheart?”

“It’s not appropriate for little kids” she replied looking sideways at her younger sister.

“That’s ok, what is it?”

“In after-school today, Heavenly told me that Gabrielle from High School Musical took some naked pictures of herself, gave them to Troy, and then was put in jail for it.”

At this point I was at a total loss. I couldn’t explain to my 5 year old that when you get older, people seeing you naked takes on an ENTIRELY different meaning. Four years of college, 38 years (and counting) of being a smart ass and all I come with is a lame:

“I don’t think she went to jail.”

Needless to say I quickly changed the subject. I don’t think I said the wrong thing, but I didn’t exactly seize the moment and hit it out of the park. Anything more would’ve have required explanations I don’t want to give for a few more years, even then I’m sure I’ll try to put them off.

What would you have said?